Jaimee Eat World

So it’s just me now.

The Formula’s Too Thin

If I had really hustled when I actually started this project, Dakota probably could have seen it through with me, but I’ll have to do the rest of this on my own.

He used to love stickin’ with me while I recorded and mixed. He’d lay right next to my amp when I tracked no matter how loud it was, or sit on his bed behind me offering his opinion on changes I should make. On more than one occasion he contributed with backing vocals and floor taps. At least once he knocked over a mic as he made his way to another important meeting.

Sometimes he just napped and that was always the best. He’s kind of like Rick Rubin in that, although he offers no real perspective or technical help, his presence just kind of always made the session better. To be honest, I’m a little lost without him.

Water Down

Monday was the hardest goodbye I’ve ever had to give.

I don’t expect everyone to understand, but he really was the most important part of my entire life. I’ve been through a lot of shit over the last 10 years, but through all of it I was okay because I had him to come home to.

Everything now is just sort of… Quiet. Still. Empty.

When I realized how sick he was I asked him for just a little bit more time and he gave me that. We managed to sneak in a couple more walks in the parks and trails and lots of belly rubs and naps. He would have held on longer, but that wouldn’t have been right or fair to him and I didn’t want him to go through any more unnecessary discomfort. He was a hell of a trooper.

Turn Off The Radio

I know he’s still with me even if I can’t see him.

And I know I have to just carry on.

I’d said it a few times before, but I knew once it was just me here that there would be no real reason to stay where I am – the only reason I came back was to make sure the last of the time I had with Dakota was going to be the best for him because I’ve always known that where I am isn’t best for me. But I don’t really know where to go yet or what I ought to do.

I guess I still need a little bit more time.