They say when you experience heartbreak, you will need over half the time you were in the relationship to heal from it.
It’s Just A Little Thing
Now I don’t know how much truth there is to that (who are “they” anyway?) – I’m sure it varies wildly from person to person, but I suppose it’s a good enough rule of thought to consider so that you can be kind with yourself as you work through any emotional turmoil that came with the decision to end it.
Now, if we assume that is true, I wonder if you have been a person susceptible to abuse for a long period of time, how long it takes to first realize you’ve found yourself again in a position of vulnerability that allows the cycle of abuse to continue and then how long it takes afterwards to heal from that if/when you escape.
Because if you’ve been in such a position for the vast majority of your life, that means it would take the entire rest of your life to hopefully realize and then heal… so maybe you never fully heal at all.
Buried In The Other Things
I think it’s important to come to terms with the idea that you may never wholly heal from whatever traumatic experience has imprinted itself upon your heart. For as long as you have working memory, it’ll always be there and it will always find a way to surface or slip through a crack.
And maybe that’s critical anyway, to help continue to guide you away from people or situations that’ll further compound the existing trauma.
I’m thinking about this only because I recently received something that, while at first made me laugh due to its sheer absurdity, later had me questioning myself even if only briefly and that kind of irritated me.
And then I was further annoyed with myself for allowing it to irritate me, so I had to sit with what it really was that was getting under my skin because the rational side of me knew the initial commentary was nothing to fuss about.
There are a lot of behaviours exhibited by other people that can and sometimes do cause a visceral reaction from me and I really wish it wouldn’t. Fortunately I’ve gotten a lot better at managing these things though, as it’s something I’ve had to endue from a young age.
Really I think that’s who the reaction still comes from – little me who didn’t know better then. And older me is annoyed that we’re still learning how to keep our peace – I know it’s neither of our faults.
Burning Away From Inside
It wouldn’t be terribly out of scope to say that I am someone who spends a lot of time in my head and I’m sure I’ve said as much myself before, but I wouldn’t say that it’s a bad way to live. I enjoy the constant stream of thought throwing me this way and that, teaching me and challenging me as I explore ideas both new and old. I’m not burdened by it and it does not ever get in the way of important tasks or conversations – I can put a stop to it rather easily, but I can not simply make it stop returning.
If your thoughts become intrusive or disruptive in a bad way, that would be real cause for concern, but if you are just someone with an abundance of thought? That is a dream scenario for creative output.
They are all just little things, buried in the other things.
Littlething was previously released, you can have a giggle and listen to the old version here:
Jaimee Eat World 
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