Movielike

After all of these years, I finally made my way to Phoenix, Arizona last week.

Not The Way I’d Hoped For

Even before I ever put a band together, I started to dream up these hopes of visiting the cities where my favourite bands were from. I’d be like 13 watching the CBC at our cottage in Dorset, Ontario when the weather report would come through and tell us how things were looking in Sault Ste. Marie, significant to me only because Treble Charger were from there and I wanted to know what it was like to have grown up so much further north than I did.

Later when I did put a band together and we bonded over our shared music tastes, I’d talk to the guys about the other places I wanted to go. “Well, I’d for sure have to make a point to go to Phoenix for Jimmy Eat World.” I was about 15 then.

Over 20 years later as I sat at home nursing my fractured jaw, unable to work or do anything other than walk around my hometown which I’d long hoped to have escaped, I booked a ticket.

Nothing Movielike

Solo-travelling was never really something I aspired to, but once I got divorced it was like something triggered inside me. It was like once I realized I could free myself from my dead-end relationship, I could free myself in other ways, too.

So I went to Poland, another lifelong dream, and timed it with a Jimmy Eat World show – one of the best I’ve ever been to if for no other reason than it was in a tiny campus bar and I could never imagine seeing a band of this stature in this type of venue. I’ll never forget that, it was magic.

And I went to Chicago. I saw them there, too, where they seemed to already be warming up for this years 25-year Bleed American anniversary tour and we were treated to the full album experience there on my birthday (they started their set just a couple minutes ahead of midnight, so it still counts I think).

And then I meandered over to San Francisco and Seattle, other high-bucket list cities for similar band-origin reasons.

All the while I’d wonder when I’d finally go to Phoenix, as if I wasn’t the one planning the trips!

There didn’t ever seem to be a great time that aligned the way the other cities and shows did and while it would have been cool to see the band play in their home city, these trips are always about a bit more than just a show.

Money is tighter than ever before these days because of the jaw injury knocking me out of the ability to work during my industries busy season and contrary to what appears to be popular belief, you don’t get very much compensation for this type of situation. It’s a pittence, honestly – if you received money during CERB here in Canada you received a lot more than I did for this injury. I’ve been alloted $200 CAD/week until I return to work. It’s been hard to deal with.

Nonetheless, I’m in a sort of “Fuck-It” mood lately with everything that has gone on, so Fuck-It I did and booked a 4 night stay in Phoenix to coincide with my 36th birthday.

Nothing Magic

I don’t know what Phoenix is like most of the year, but I imagine it’s pretty busy with loads of university students given how many ASU buildings are on seemingly every corner of downtown. But it was dead quiet last week. I arrived on Tuesday and it felt like a total ghost town, especially when comparing it to my home in Toronto which is busy at all hours of the day, every day. The space between neighbourhoods and plazas doesn’t help – it’s overall quite barren and with the 47 degree (celsius) sun beating down on you all day, it’s impossible to forget you’re in a desert. I feel like if you grew up in Phoenix, a city like New York would make you foam at the mouth.

Like Toronto, if you want to visit any of the neighbouring areas like Tempe or Mesa, it seems to be a bit of a hike on public transit which I was using (I still am weary of trying out a Waymo). This made me rejig some of my ideas and I mostly stuck around central Phoenix, but took a couple trips north and south to visit the mountains and nearby trails. Well worth it and made for some really enjoyable early mornings. In the afternoons I’d make use of my hotel’s rooftop pool and for the first time in months felt really relaxed. It was quiet there, too.

For the most part I’d say my solo trips are probably not very exciting to the average person – I mostly just enjoy walking the same streets or areas as people who hold a certain significance to me and I think about mundane things like if they’ve ever visited the coffee shop I just wandered into or what section of the book store they’d gravitate towards.

Since I don’t drink anymore, bars are not a highlight and I avoid them entirely unless I think they’ll have a decent burger or something. And I don’t fiend for super touristy things most of the time which usually makes it easy to save some cash, but when the opportunity popped up to visit the Grand Canyon, I felt like I should take it. It’s not every day you’re close enough to take a spontaneous day trip to something like that and I wanted to be able to look back on this birthday as having done something of some significance.

I was a little worried I’d be disappointed in the excursion because sometimes I find that because we’re so inundated with media from all over the world, we see these places so many times already before we get there that it can spoil it. Fortunately that wasn’t the case here – photos and video just can’t do any justice to the sheer size and beauty of the Grand Canyon and all the history that sits in the grooves of its rocks. I felt very lucky to be there, I know not everyone gets an opportunity to see it in person. What a beautiful view.

If you get a chance to go, I do recommend you check it out. Bring a sandwich so that you don’t end up spending $15 on a mediocore ham and cheese melt. Or say Fuck It and also grab a drink and a snack because money is stupid anyways.

I’ve Seen The Best Already

Arizona is pretty well known for superstituous and paranomal activity, as I understand it. Hell, even their mountains are named to reinforce the idea. On the way back from the Canyon we stopped off in Sedona (the area I hoped to tour more thoroughly) and learned a bit about the Vortex’s.

If you’re unfamiliar, Arizona is known for 4 Vortex’s which are said to be spiritual or sacred sites where the Earth’s energy connects in such a way to manifest healing or self discovery; People travel from all over with hopes to have some sort of profound experience in these areas. Airport Mesa, Cathedral Rock, Bell Rock and Boynton Canyon.

Though my time in Sedona was brief we did pass by Cathedral Rock which is quite pretty from a distance and we paused and got out of the bus for a closer look at Bell Rock.

Moments after I approached the fencing that prohibits you from getting any closer to Bell Rock, a thick bolt of lighting hit just to the right of it, sort of between it and the neighbouring Courthouse Rock.

It took me by great surprise because… it was a clear bright blue sky sunny day and we weren’t anticipating any rain or storms.

I glanced my head around at the group I was travelling with but nobody else seemed to notice that this happened or if they did, they certainly weren’t surprised enough by it to mention it. It was just a little weird.

I otherwise did not have any real profound experience near this formation or feel any sort of shift in energy, but I still enjoyed the sights. I like rock(s).

When we got back to Phoenix that night I headed straight for the pool for a night swim and even a relaxing rest in the hot tub which felt amazing despite the temperature outside.

My trip was nearly over and while I didn’t come out to the city with any sort of great plan, I still felt like I’d accomplished something.

All Alone With My Things

Phoenix was the last place on my critical “Visit This Bands City” list. It had been a long time coming and I felt like I could finally end this chapter of things. It’s not that it has been weighing super heavily or anything, but the idea has been resting on my shoulders for quite some years and over time that still adds up.

As I said, I was a little dismayed that I wouldn’t be seeing the band play a show that week, but I did luck out with my timing in that another favourite of mine would be performing at the nearby Financial Theatre; Death Cab for Cutie were in town with Nation of Language and they never disappooint, so of course I grabbed myself a ticket to cap the trip off right.

It was at that show that I was able to really remind myself of why these trips always felt a little off kilter. As I stood in the crowd in quiet anticipation of the show, nosily watching the crews run around doing their final preparations of getting the stage set, I thought about how: Yes I’d always wanted to travel, but I always wanted to travel and play shows. As a teenager I’d imagine my band embarking on our first tour and in my early 20’s I’d dream about being whisked off to help engineer a bands record in some other part of the world or to become a touring tech. The possibilities always seemed endless with music and sometimes I need to remind myself they still are.

The theatre started to fill up and I recognized that this was the part of my solo trips I really loved the most. A new venue, new faces, eager fans excited to hear songs we all loved already or maybe were experiencing for the first time. Every time I leave a show I have a new appreciation for the bands I’m fortunate to watch and listen to that night and every little detail that makes it all come together. It usually also comes with a healthy dose of admiration disguised in times as jealousy that makes me want to try harder to be able to get on those stages, too.

Standing in the first couple rows of a stage, I think, is its own little Vortex. You don’t have to travel all the way to Arizona for them; You can find it in any given city on any given night as long as there’s a band on stage to draw up some energy, but it’s important to remember that each one will effect different people in its own unique way. Some, regrettably, may never be moved by it at all.

As Death Cab culminated their set, I once again felt very lucky to be standing where I was. The Grand Canyon has survived hundreds of millions of years – it’s unfathomable to wholly comprehend what that has been like even as its etched in stone in front of you, but what are the odds that I stand on this planet, in this room in Phoenix at the same time as this great band. What a beautiful view.

As I packed up my things in my little studio apartment to be ready for my morning flight, I resolved to refocus.

Life has taken me in a lot of different directions over the years, but I always come back to this feeling that I need to write, play, perform and connect with others through these mediums and it really is high time I wholly commit to it.

That’s the part that feels like magic.

Movielike was previously released & to be honest not much has changed since, but you can listen to the old cut here: